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Post by americanxzombie on Jul 11, 2011 20:57:50 GMT -5
barking walls, enormous house, hickory hallway returned to when it was family
wildly cannon-balled into the world's problems floor tiles evaporate smells fresh as a swimming pool head under water eyes pushed back
quick nurse! she needs air!
white is the weather today black is the past
silent goose pimples were covering the surface of her teeth
inside, she threw the jelly jar at the door
she walked, a sea lion in the bog
opened skin lifted. fresh, bright steps formed. her star shining left five children confused.
one egg left the nest.
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Post by cafeboy on Jul 11, 2011 23:02:36 GMT -5
It's difficult to work with set words and I'm glad you found freedom and released some control. You created very evoking lines here somehow making sense. Really really, loved this. exalt
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Post by Riverrose ~April!!!~ on Jul 14, 2011 9:22:21 GMT -5
Your words fit together so that it seems it took no time at all and was easy, but it really is difficult to make a poem emerge from the words you're given. A strong poem! Great job, much enjoyed, Riverrose
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Post by Astarael ~ Enduring on Jul 18, 2011 3:54:29 GMT -5
"white is the weather today black is the past"
I love that couplet especially but you've done a fantastic job with incorporating so many words into this piece. Beautifully drops.
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Post by Shiloh on Jul 19, 2011 0:01:20 GMT -5
Nice work
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