ImmortallyYours
Established Muse
"I just made you up to hurt myself..." ~ Trent Reznor
Posts: 170
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Post by ImmortallyYours on Jan 6, 2005 22:05:02 GMT -5
~They Will to Think~
Dead Ghosts exhale sunlight Buried beneath snow Hollow Art lingers in Paris Begging to be shown
Soft Scars possess naked death Echoing tears and battle cries
Vanilla Orchid Thief inhales moonlight Snowing above the city
Haunted Seasons follow more than dreams Laughing at poets and artists
Silently writing enchanted deadly truths Delicious secrets which tell of angelic desires
Dancing between hot ashes and white lines Consuming Dead Ghosts and Orchid Thieves
Severing simmering sounds and sneaky smiles Melting eyes that made hollow art and soft scars
Growing quietly, dividing taste and drink Embracing Haunted Seasons; alas, they will to think!
~Copyright, 2005 - J. Figlerski
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dayna
Established Muse
I might spend some time downstairs. ~The Incredible String Band~
Posts: 245
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Post by dayna on Jan 10, 2005 14:39:31 GMT -5
I noticed that this poem grows as you read down the page, "Growing quietly" how apt. The use of upper case letters intrigues me, seemingly personification yet not quite, I wonder what your intention is with this?
Line three is a killer, love it love it love it.
I realise there is a restriction in words in Drops of Poetry so it's a difficult exercise, I kind of love/hate these things. I would probably try and tie off each stanza a little more if possible, at the moment some of them seem to be left at a loose end which makes the flow awkward, esp. L7/8 &10 xxx
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Post by Sketchy (love is a w----) on Jan 14, 2005 23:50:58 GMT -5
Dancing between hot ashes and white lines Consuming Dead Ghosts and Orchid Thieves
I like those lines for some reason. Nice job.
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ImmortallyYours
Established Muse
"I just made you up to hurt myself..." ~ Trent Reznor
Posts: 170
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Post by ImmortallyYours on Jan 28, 2005 2:10:57 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments gang.
Dayna: The caps are their to distinguish those things, or actors, in this little play.
As far as lines 7, 8, and 10 my intentions there were:
7: Vanilla Orchid Thief inhales moonlight 8: Snowing above the city
The moonlight, shinning - is transformed to coming down as snow...and these two lines complement the first two lines. Different characters, one inhaling the opposite of Sun (moon), another exhaling the opposite of moon (Sun);
Line 10: Laughing at poets and artists
It is the Haunted seasons that become human - or personified, following more than just their own dreams, i.e. - they're laughing at poets and artists:
Haunted Seasons follow more than dreams Laughing at poets and artists
While this is not to say that everything is A OK - what my intention altogether was to create characters as if in a play - and give them action, those actions...become extinguished by...
"...poets and artists..." as poets and artists...
"Silently writ[e] enchanted deadly truths Delicious secrets which tell of angelic desires"
As those artists and poets...
Dance between hot ashes and white lines
Dance would be write or paint, white lines could be drugs used to embark on creative inspirations, low lows, or hi highs. Or, the white space inbetween their drawings, paintings, or writings.
"Consuming ..." those damned characters... "Dead Ghosts and Orchid Thieves" "Melting..." those damned eyes that made hollow art... and peole who abuse - making scars that later become soft, and show on skins' surface.
Artists and Poets...
GROW quietly, usually dividing time between eating and drinking...as most do...
And they embrace the haunted seasons, and the fact that whether it be haunted seasons or not - or just other folk - who laugh at their endeavors...it is the greatest humility that the artist or writer endures - to accept criticisms, and laughter, and still trudge on their path...thus overcoming any of the criticism...or negativity. In the end - it is others that "Will to think" but can't, or don't ...or don't have a creative bone in their body to conjure up something new or something different.
Here's where I step in and say, oh, ok, I explained the poem...and here's where a question arises...Did the poem communicate what it was supposed to without the explaination? Answer: Guess not, unfortunetly.
...but, echoes, echoes stir.
Stellar - I enjoy those lines too.
This "Drops of Poetry" was certainly hard.
Gave me some good ideas. Was a good exercise. I spent way too much time on it though! So much time.
oh well.
~J
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