nis
New Member
Posts: 5
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Post by nis on Feb 9, 2006 15:36:09 GMT -5
It has a great image and a haunting tone to it however I feel too unattached because it does not flow properly. The first line flows so nicely and then i feel uncomfortably stopped in the next few lines. This may be your intention but i do not think it works here. I also think you should alter the last line because it doesn't have enouhg impact to it. But like i said keep at it and you will have a fantastic peice of writing. I can't wait to read an updated version of this because I did feel the emotion you bestowed in it. I really did enjoy reading this.
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