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Post by AoR on Sept 22, 2011 2:54:56 GMT -5
It said I could change the form of some words so eheh... Hope this came out okay... and that I did it right. >.> The Painted House
Today is bright- The children swim, fresh pool. Goose-pimples work the skin, Tousled hair floating in the air. She is marching,sprinting - dashing - over the hill! Today is bright, Today she is shining...
White walls form. Black eyes wild; confused Nurse maids open the white door. The Fictional family evaporates. Black tile floors, white walls she is under the water- Under the weather, she is removed. Blackness paints the house.
Bright family inside the head, She is walking in the hallways, Silence flounders the shrugging air. Today the world inside won't return. She is tied to the painted white house.
The Nurse Maids walk off quieting the problem.
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Post by - Moirae - on Sept 22, 2011 9:44:57 GMT -5
This piece took me on quite the journey and I was impressed that this was a drops poem, if I didn't know, I'd think it were just a regular poem. Wonderful work AoR; it's great to read your work again.
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Post by son of CHA! on Sept 22, 2011 17:53:41 GMT -5
nicely done, and good vision,. enjoyed the mid-shift.
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Post by Astarael ~ Enduring on Sept 22, 2011 21:54:19 GMT -5
Wow, that's a fantastic drops, it flowed so well I wouldn't have guessed it was one, (a high compliment). I love the progression of this, and the contrasts with the white and black. Very much enjoyed.
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Post by ॐ Hemz ॐ on Nov 7, 2011 16:15:07 GMT -5
The closing lines added mystery and I was left suspended in the imaginary setting. All in all a magic piece of poetry.
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Post by ltlpencil on Nov 20, 2011 16:48:06 GMT -5
Wonderful visualization! Very nice read
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Post by Quiet Astronomer (PoF) on Feb 9, 2012 13:05:46 GMT -5
"She" comes across brilliantly, A. You moved through this piece with a continuity that made it a pleasure to read. Two snaps.
QA
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