|
Post by thehippyboy on May 1, 2009 18:45:27 GMT -5
all of us died! every single one!
it is rage; the electric sore it dies. she dies. he dies. we die; he gasps and rolls- dead.
bicycles roll through public subways; expiring together. Taxpayers die. Insects die. Managers die. Clients die. Silicon fighters die. Mayors Die. Philosophers die. Writers die.
axes warm her to death me? dead. she? dead. Him? dead.
we died
|
|
|
Post by bobswife4ever (surgery soon) on May 6, 2009 12:08:30 GMT -5
Wow! This was an intense and passionate piece. Loved it from start to finish. ***APPLAUSE***
|
|
|
Post by strangefeeling on May 6, 2009 12:29:04 GMT -5
Obscure vision within a somber future within dark perspectives of life! The repetition of "die" really underlines your vision. Nicely evoked!
|
|
|
Post by dollarbean on May 11, 2009 17:32:42 GMT -5
this would be a brilliant piece for a street corner prophet. there is something familiar about it too, the candid intensity, but i can't put my finger on it.
|
|
|
Post by unsinkmolly on May 12, 2009 2:46:01 GMT -5
thb: Very bold and exciting. molly
|
|
|
Post by ~NevermoreIcon~ on May 14, 2009 16:34:46 GMT -5
Yeah it was good.. but, aren't we supposed to make the whole poem with the drops.. that is what I have been doing and it is harder to create something.. challenge yourself it makes for better work.. very good piece other than that..
|
|
|
Post by jackthenoisymime on May 14, 2009 16:37:54 GMT -5
It's a bit morbid (understatement of the century). I didn't realise I could use the words more than once! This changes everything, though I were a fool to think this thing had rules in the first place.
|
|
|
Post by ~NevermoreIcon~ on May 14, 2009 16:41:57 GMT -5
I am not sure if it does.. but, if you look at all the words at your disposal.. you can make an obscure creation that still makes sense.. check out my new one.. it definately maintains my darkside while using just, drops and rarely adding my own.. I definately enjoyed this one!!
|
|
|
Post by thehippyboy on May 16, 2009 15:25:35 GMT -5
Thank you for your comments, but I read somewhere that I could use words more the once, and really the only words I 'changed' were the tenses. Like "die" to "dead"
|
|
chizl
Wandering Muse
Posts: 90
|
Post by chizl on Sept 8, 2009 0:09:38 GMT -5
You can do what you like with the drops. Though I try to use just the words available without changing the tenses...more of a challenge. I thought this was wonderfully morose =) Well done.
|
|