RagazzaBell
Established Muse
"We're all immortal until we die."
Posts: 104
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Post by RagazzaBell on Apr 2, 2005 11:21:53 GMT -5
Beneath myself Buried in the ashes of the hollow earth The truth will cry out to us Of the lingering battle of joy Against silent tears
Alas a grey sunlight danced in the street To choke the naked smiles And sting the lace hearts And the people that found happiness Are forced to kneel and face the cold of fear
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M.R. Inkless
Established Muse
And dawn discovered her there, beneath the cedar's stare.
Posts: 394
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Post by M.R. Inkless on Apr 2, 2005 11:24:43 GMT -5
well, i think its good. lol. the only lines im not especially fond or are: Of the lingering battle of vanilla joy Against espresso tears
i think it hurts the imagery/flow/thing of the poem. but im no expert.
some lines i really liked were: Beneath myself Buried in the ashes of the hollow earth
overall, good write.
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Post by Rose of the Forgotten on Apr 3, 2005 4:19:42 GMT -5
I think if you just took 'vanilla' out of that one line everything would go much better. Overall it was a really good write, keep messing around with Drops, it's really a great way to get your creative juices flowing. ;D
-- Jus
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Post by dlebrtstrngr on Apr 3, 2005 23:09:15 GMT -5
Hey R.B.
I just read your poem. I found it almost prophetic in its nature. There is a day coming when all will see ... (eh, why spoil the surprize.)
Very good write.
Until...
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RagazzaBell
Established Muse
"We're all immortal until we die."
Posts: 104
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Post by RagazzaBell on May 3, 2005 18:21:49 GMT -5
thank you all
DlebrtStrngr - I especially liked your comment....
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blackpetal
New Member
Hello! I hope you enjoy my poetry and please post messages!! Thank you =)
Posts: 9
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Post by blackpetal on May 31, 2005 6:53:54 GMT -5
nice poem, not the usual stuff that kinda catches my eye but yours did! good write i would say old chap =) ( know youre female....>.>) you shall become famous in the world of poetry wheeeeehuuuu!!!!! From Wabbit Mistress
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RagazzaBell
Established Muse
"We're all immortal until we die."
Posts: 104
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Post by RagazzaBell on Jun 7, 2005 16:10:39 GMT -5
thanks! thats ok that I'm a chap, I dont differenciate bewtween genders (i constantly call my guy friend "woman" :-P)
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