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Post by bcoyotey on Mar 23, 2008 23:52:27 GMT -5
I fall in the incense of a cordial book You sit in your chair drinking television We are moody and wooden captives, fermenting in our stone alliance.
A resourceful match, you and I Me, delicate pink lipstick and blossom scent You, Travian charm and driving aspirations envy of the blind champagne army.
Green goblets of white wine shimmer in the lamplight on the polished wood. The cat bends, then curls by the door, I decide I want to spring for.
1,936 Sundays in a captive wilderness driven to flirt and wink and shine for you You feast on your Presidential rabbit I smell the scent of spring. It's over.
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Terence
Moderator
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Posts: 3,716
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Post by Terence on Mar 24, 2008 0:14:32 GMT -5
A heady poem LB. Smells of complacency in a stale relationship. It's excellent.
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Post by Sophie on Mar 24, 2008 4:19:22 GMT -5
Its quite amazing how you pulled this out of those words, You have my admiration LB.
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Post by olivialuka131313 on Mar 24, 2008 4:31:44 GMT -5
eesh, this I LOVE! All of it. You are so dang deep I dont know how you manage to emerge with your head so much higher above the storm than the rest of us seem to be able to do.
You're amazing
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aoeclald
Moderator
My orb > Your orb
Posts: 1,662
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Post by aoeclald on Mar 24, 2008 6:05:33 GMT -5
How did you pull this off with a Drops poem? I must say, even when the challenge seems difficult, you pull through with an entry that is so well described. With a set amount of words, you really used them to the best of their ability and created something that I must say I have to exalt for.
Great Drops and challenge entry! I look forward to seeing this in the voting ring.
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Post by Sir Daniel on Mar 24, 2008 7:05:34 GMT -5
Ooh, the mood you have captured is so sad yet so real for so many couples who are still together "for the kids sake". I simply love the 1936 Sundays, how many years would that make? almost 40.. way too long to be unhappy.
You have given us a poem that would have gotten attention in any forum it was posted in, because it is so easily identifiable. And to think it was restricted by the drops..
wonderful job, Lady B, kudo's on an amazing entry.
~ Daniel
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Post by olivialuka131313 on Mar 25, 2008 18:38:34 GMT -5
I cant believe I didnt exalt this the first time. I was thinking about this piece last night, but I still cant quite put my finger on why I keep thinking about it! Aha! I know. Using the drops words (in any piece) creates a sense of detachment in a poem. Almost as if the author didnt quite want to say the exact words. This is obviously true on different levels, in some pieces its very obvious and in some its not at all. But very, very rarely is this feeling or sense in the reader used by the author to empower the emotion and message of the piece. You have used that natural feeling of lack of communication (that comes with drops pieces) to add depth to the poem, to add a whole other dimension, one that we cannot even describe or realise! I think it is an incredible person that can not only bring their own story and emotion to a poem, but that couple it so well with the nature of the genre; ironic really, this poem marries together the two most important parts of a poem, in a poem about a barely existing marriage, where the two most important parts in love are missmatched entirely.
The genius continues! You're incredible, I know I say that a lot, but I mean it, you astound me.
Liv
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Post by lars on Mar 25, 2008 19:45:17 GMT -5
I Love This One. Cheers
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Post by Whatyasee on Mar 29, 2008 11:23:51 GMT -5
Lady B, as those above me have covered all aspects, what more can be said that would not be redundant. Holy cow what a writer! L&L, BJ
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Post by snakeskinpoet on May 11, 2008 10:03:17 GMT -5
How's it going, Lady B?
It has been much too long since I have sought out your work and in reading this piece, I repent of that transgression. I shall put forth more of an effort. One thing though, having never physically met you even still I would swear to the fact that mileage you've counted has to be an over-inflated error. I applaud your genius and the profiency of your pen, dear Lady.
later
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Post by ~agold on May 27, 2008 4:14:23 GMT -5
I too must humbly repent for not searching out more of your work. The amount of talent on these boards can really take me aback at times. Especially lately, as mod-ding duties have picked up, I can at times- lose sight of the trees in the forest..its pieces such as this that reminds me what I'm doing here in the first place. I tip my hat to your fair lady, kudos on this brilliant write! *exalt* ~a
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Post by tsu on May 31, 2008 10:27:55 GMT -5
amazing how you created such a piece from those words..conveys the disappointment of being taken for granted..wonderful work.
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Post by iab on Jul 12, 2008 16:19:29 GMT -5
My Lady, I bestowed upon you my Award for creative Brilliance, and this poem proves why.
OMG. This is incredible writing. It should be spotlighted! Right now!
Powerful metaphors. Authentic feelings. Contentment with the wine, yet bolting for the door.
And the cat- what an impressive bridge (music) within the poem! Added to the authenticity of the piece.
You'll get three exalts from me for this! (as I am able).
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Post by matw63 on Jul 15, 2008 1:35:25 GMT -5
this is bl**dy brilliant.
exalt
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Post by bcoyotey on Sept 4, 2008 14:28:52 GMT -5
:-*Thank you so much, my fellow poets. I am so blessed to have friends like you. *hugs* Lady B
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Post by ElijahsGreyPanthers on Sept 13, 2008 11:10:22 GMT -5
Superbly done, and from a jumble of words in a box! It's descriptive, a story in a drop.
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Post by Created2Write on Oct 2, 2008 18:09:35 GMT -5
Lady B, I've read more of you tonight than on any other board, and I'm glad I waited, I have much to aspire to. Poetress, take a bow and except my humble exalt! Peace, C2W
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Post by kutipi2 }|{ on Oct 9, 2008 15:43:49 GMT -5
Lady B, this has taken me aback. So powerful, descriptive, and true to emotions. What else can I say that hasn't been said before?? Excellent and impressive job! *exalt!*
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Post by Donta' Mason= Mazbaby(in&out) on Nov 3, 2008 18:36:11 GMT -5
I agree with doc, it is very nice how you made such a poem out of a limitation of words.
good skills shown here
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Post by thehippyboy on Nov 17, 2008 21:35:12 GMT -5
That was one amazing drop. You pulled so much out of so little to work with.
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