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Post by unsinkmolly on Feb 3, 2009 0:22:21 GMT -5
Faithful wait hopeful -- propaganda spun -- played by low-crawl-greed-insects.
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Post by unsinkmolly on Feb 3, 2009 0:07:14 GMT -5
Wow, bravo....very exciting job, irisar. Takes my breath away how easily and realistically you narrate with the corral of vocab. molly
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Post by unsinkmolly on Feb 2, 2009 22:34:26 GMT -5
mat, you do well playing with this form ... last time, colors... this time, parentheticals. Bravo. This is simple and says sooooo much. molly
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 30, 2009 2:49:40 GMT -5
Thanks, Lady B. So much shock and awe at the incompetence and corruption and continued propandized coverup of amorality in our society and world. Awareness is a big step to be celebrated though. Praying for the power of evolved humans. Thanks. m
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 27, 2009 21:04:39 GMT -5
thanks so much. Drops are falling politically for me.
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 24, 2009 13:37:20 GMT -5
Oppressed public gasps. Greed-ridden excess rages, begs sane, upright fight.
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 24, 2009 13:08:32 GMT -5
Nurtured [love the optimistic title]
Melancholy chilliness shimmered across my face... [nice shift from subject to verb, negative to positive.. shimmered...] Risking complex hate, I lifted and walked away [interesting.. risking complex hate.... exciting] surrounding ourselves with our backs toward the mountains, you removed your boots and let your toes graze the grasses... [back to mountains choice is positive and removing boots, too, a positive release ... and "toes graze the grasses" how sensually delicious... and the gr sounds and the z/s sound so perfect] I supported you in these moments with brown, burgundy, and orange leaves wilting from my hands...throwing them rapidly, and noting how they spread... [such dramatic action ... and I like the idea of "supporting" ... "wilting" from my hands then throwing them rapidly seemed a bit too discordant and contradictory and my only issue so far, though dried leaves would defy the force of one trying to throw and act wilty... but the wilty word jars me with its negative connotations unless you acknowledge the contradiction within the poem ... trying to throw dried leaves and not being so effective] A blanket of Autumn continually worked itself around us, the daughter and son of this tender time, lost in rewind... [love the time/rewind rhyme! blanket of Autumn so nice... and what an interesting way to say it... "continually worked itself around us" .. how setting envelopes mood] ["tender time" so sweet introduced by daughter and son of.. very nice] ["lost in rewind" says so much in such a cryptic, charming way]
BRAVO! clear
best, molly
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 24, 2009 12:41:58 GMT -5
Homeland Found [already a positive] A mountain in clouds [lovely way to launch this, strong image] Is found to lift An outcry to a shimmer; [how lovely ... well put... ] It sweeps a valence [interesting] Rapid around, reduces [nice r's] Vexation. Wilted atrocity: [such hope implied] My melancholy, leaves To sunflower road. [such positive and bright connotations with sunflower] Surrounding my limbs Is a basic drive, A Tattooed ambience. [this is really merging abstract with concrete... all these drop words really make us stretch to exciting dimensions.. you do it especially well! flirting with oxymoron and the existential at same time] Wind falls To dress My metamorphosis [again... very confidentally expressed.. and reader wants to wrap mind around the metaphors, though so wide] — Homeland found. [peaceful payoff] good going, forest. molly
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 16, 2009 14:05:31 GMT -5
thanks, cbs ... appreciate your empathy for such sensibility! m
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 14, 2009 20:34:16 GMT -5
Thanks C2W, Lady, Bobswife ... it is very cathartic to get it out, distilling the frustration helps with the catharsis! I am pretty verbose on political websites... they would probably prefer my haiku. appreciate your validation once again! molly
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 11, 2009 0:29:29 GMT -5
Hate-governing snakes trespass. Nurture atrocity. Death winds sweep homelands.
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 10, 2009 22:52:57 GMT -5
Lady B, you are good!
I fall in the incense of a cordial book [so nicely expressed... incense of a cordial (great word) book] You sit in your chair drinking television [drinking television.. how wonderful... ] We are moody and wooden captives, [love the double o's... and the w's in we and wooden] fermenting in our stone alliance. [fermenting... so nicely put ... and the ref to drinking earlier...liquid.. and the STONE .... ulp! alliance... that sounds like an oxymoron!]
A resourceful match, you and I [resourceful... not a romantic word at all.. but stoic] Me, delicate pink lipstick and blossom scent [nice] You, Travian charm and driving aspirations [don't know Travian... but get the point ] envy of the blind champagne army. [this is interesting but vague for me... are the both of you the envy or just him? a social group that envies you and doesn't get the disconnect ... champagne... and army.. hard to put these together in my head.. a bit jarring ... so far I have been so with you]
Green goblets of white wine shimmer [nice... the g's] in the lamplight on the polished wood. [nice detail.. but foreshadowing you are seeing too much detail.. as you are in your relationship] The cat bends, then curls by the door, [ah... someone less wooden than you two] I decide I want to spring for. 1,936 Sundays in a captive wilderness [and there is more... God.. the exact number] driven to flirt and wink and shine for you [oh dear... falsity] You feast on your Presidential rabbit [is the rabbit you? again rabbit distracted me and was discordant but I liked presidential] I smell the scent of spring. It's over. [this is poignant... though the spring for the door line had me so ready.. and smelling the scent of spring... brings hope and illumination!]
BRAVO!!! Lady B... a joy to read.... m
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 10, 2009 22:45:05 GMT -5
ps... forgot the first two lines... they really sum up the conclusion! Don't bury the lead and you didn't ... c2w! nice, very, very nice ...m
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 10, 2009 22:43:55 GMT -5
A baby stretches it's limbs in disatisfied outcry Excellent.. what a nicely told tale... and Tabloid Rumor is- [nice pop culture foreshadowing] The daughter found tenderness [nice t after tabloid.. tenderness is a great, non-tabloidy word.. unless ironic] with the craftsman when he worked in the outbuilding in the fall. [there ... lots of info..like a tabloid news report! ] nice! m
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Choices
Jan 10, 2009 22:41:48 GMT -5
Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 10, 2009 22:41:48 GMT -5
Drugs are a poison that will remain forever in his body [very strongly stated ... good]
Lingering
Waiting to pounce [like the p again... from poison.. POUNCE.. powerful word] at any sign of weakness [good way to end... nice form]
also lingering is a nice midway word... good job m
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 8, 2009 4:25:42 GMT -5
bobswife, thank you so much for sharing and being so open. they say loss helps us transcend ego. what price clarity, huh? i am sorry about your pain. and I relate. the older we grow, the more shocks to our heart. best, m
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 8, 2009 4:22:06 GMT -5
bobswife.. you and Lady B made my day!!! ty
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 8, 2009 4:19:54 GMT -5
ty!!! m
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 8, 2009 4:17:39 GMT -5
Yes, I am quite addicted to configuring the words, bw! much appreciated once again. m
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Post by unsinkmolly on Jan 7, 2009 20:21:04 GMT -5
Lady B, I did not realize that was the rule for all of the sites within. Sooooo sorry. I need to read more of the instructions. I dove right in. I thought that was only on the critique one. Haiku, and Drops and Critique poems and maybe humor are my hangouts. I do comment when I have time but am so grateful for the validation, challenge and good reading and fellowship here I will be much better and do the 3 which I think is a brilliant system, I promise! I have been searching for a site like this. In fact it is even better than I'd hoped. molly
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